Christene Sucks.

They're all gonna laugh at me.

2012-01-29T09:54:00.000-08:00

I'm going to get a pedicure today. How Beverly Hills of me.

I'm going to sit there and be violated by a massage chair while getting disgusted looks from the Vietnamese lady doing my nails. She's going to tell me that I need to lotion my heels. Then she's going to discuss the fact that I'm a disgusting pig of a human being* in Vietnamese with the lady next to her. They're going to laugh and laugh. I'm starting to develop a complex. Then, someone will come along and offer to do a matching manicure. I will accept her offer, because I think it will make them like me, but it doesn't. The manicure lady is now laughing. They're all laughing at me. It's like high school all over again.

By the time I leave, whatever ounce of self esteem I had has been annihilated.
But at least my feet look nice.

*There is a chance they're discussing something completely unrelated to my fat ugly feet, but it's pretty slim.

Neglected child.

2011-12-12T18:56:00.001-08:00

I'm waiting for my parents to pick me up to drive me somewhere.

I don't know what's sadder,

A) Having my parents drive me somewhere at the age of 30 or

B) I think they forgot about picking me up.

Bad ass.

2011-12-07T18:52:00.000-08:00

Tonight, Nick informed me that one of his friends thinks I'm contrary because I hate organized fun like Halloween and theme parties.

This. Is. Awesome.
I have a reputation.
How fucking Rock and Roll is that?

This is creeping me out.

2011-12-06T08:55:00.000-08:00

I've had Crimson and Clover in my head for the past week.

This is the creepiest song ever written.

The 60's were messed up.

I totally forgot about this....

2011-12-01T20:45:00.000-08:00

.... One of my awkward childhood pictures has made it into the Awkward family photos desk calendar.

Now, I know what y'all are thinking - Christene in a Calendar? She must be the new Snap on tools girl!

Sadly, no.

Maybe next year.

This year, it's a picture of me as an infant posing with my Grandmother and the Hamburgular.

I'm pretty sure that asshole stole my burger, that's why I look so angry.

I made pork chops for dinner tonight.

2011-12-01T19:08:00.000-08:00

And every time, without fail, I think about that episode of the Brady Bunch where Peter Brady very obnoxiously starts talking like James Cagney and is all like "Pork CHHHHHAAAAAPPPPS and AppleSAAAAAUCE"

"Pork CHHHHHAAAAAPPPPS and AppleSAAAAAUCE"

"Pork CHHHHHAAAAAPPPPS and AppleSAAAAAUCE"

"Pork CHHHHHAAAAAPPPPS and AppleSAAAAAUCE"

I can't stop saying it.

God Freaking help me. Please.

Back to old blog.

2011-12-01T18:44:00.001-08:00

After much consideration, I've decided to use this blog again.

I'm keeping people on their toes.

Let's be honest, no one reads this anyway.

NEW BLOG

2011-10-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

I've started a new blog.

http://idrinktoomuchcoffee.blogspot.com

Hobnobbing with Celebrities.

2011-05-21T16:46:00.001-07:00

Even though it's not the most flattering picture of me, this one will always be my favourite.

Drunk in public with a fist full of wallet cards advertising prostitution and surrounded by celebrity impersonators.

Glorious.

Y'all gonna make me lose my mind.

2011-04-23T20:50:00.000-07:00

I consider myself to be a laid back person. (Most of the time.)
However, at this moment, my neighbors are blasting their Jersey Shore style house music at 11.

I imagine that they're all wearing this T-Shirt:

They all look like this*:

And that they're all really excited about this:

It's taking all of my strength not to turn into Hulk-stene, punch through the wall and unplug their stereo.

Take that.

*Please note that I've met these people and that actually don't look like this. Actually, they're quite nice people. And their music just stopped.

Party time.

2011-03-25T07:41:00.001-07:00

The parties in rap videos always look so exhausting.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I showed up at the party.
I'd be all like "Hey Everybody! It's CHRISTENE! And I brought Board games! Who's in??!!??"

Needless to say, I've never been very popular.

I've been living a lie.

2011-03-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

I don't live with my parents anymore. I haven't for quite some time now.

I should change the banner on this blog.

Or I could just move back in with my parents.

Corn on the cob teeth

2011-03-03T20:28:00.000-08:00

So, I was browsing some recent pictures taken of me while on an evening out with some people from work and I noticed something.

For someone who works in Dentistry, my teeth sure are yellow. I mean, what the hell is up with that? I brush and floss those stupid little enamel covered assholes.

Everyday.

Twice.

I even use this stupid mouthwash that's supposed to whiten my teeth.

Damn it.

Neglect.

2010-12-10T17:01:00.000-08:00

Let me bring you up to speed, people.

I've been busy. And because I hate the Internet, (OK, not really.) my blog has had to take a back seat to everything else that's going on.

A couple of minutes ago, I checked my stat counter and noticed that people are actually checking up on me. Some of you haven't given up. How sweet. Sometimes I like to check my blog as well, to see if I've updated. Sadly, all I got was a picture of some tater tots.

So, I've recently made a career switch. And, yeah.

My hair is getting grayer and grayer by the nano second. Everytime I look in the mirror, there's another one of those wirey little fuckers sprouting up. For the love of narfunkles, I'm not even 30 yet. Then, I get people being all like "OH! Look at the grays!! I haven't even has a single one yet." WELL GOOD FOR YOU!! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE BY TELLING ME THIS!!??!!!??!!!???!!!???!??!!!???
I am not aging well, I must say.
Not that I was ever super attractive in my youth, so I suppose it doesn't matter. I should be used to it.

I'm also considering dropping my last name and just going by "Christene".

They should have been called Mexi-Frauds.

2010-10-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

Mexi-Fries are neither Mexican nor Fries.

They're called tater tots, people.

Am I the only one bothered by this?

Toilet-fail

2010-10-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

Whenever I use the washroom at work, I only use the wheelchair stall as a very last resort.
For whatever reason, there's this huge gap between the door and the door frame and people can look into the stall and see what you're up to. Once, while washing my hands, I accidentally made eye contact with someone who was using the wheelchair stall.

It was awkward and I felt like a perv.

Something should really be done about this.

I'm going to miss emails like this...

2010-10-14T07:35:00.000-07:00

Let's match our outfits!

2010-10-13T11:37:00.000-07:00

You know what I miss about the 90's?

All the boy bands used to wear matching outfits. You just don't see that anymore.

How the hells am I supposed to know that you're in a band?

Woof.

2010-10-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

Nick and I recently added to our army of two. We are now an army of three.
After much thought and consideration, we have chosen the perfect specimen of canine-nedness.

World, meet Gunnar!
He's one third Boxer, one third English Bulldog and one third awesome.

I have a theory that he wasn't born, he was created during the last thunder and lightning storm when two bolts of lightning collided with a storm cloud, a tin roof and a package of Mentos.

And his farts can clear a room of hundreds.

For no reason at all....

2010-10-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

I think she's hungry.

2010-09-29T04:25:00.000-07:00

This morning, I checked my email and found this delightful little message from Tina :

Wow.

Sleep deprivation makes Christene go crazy.

2010-09-28T04:15:00.000-07:00

All of the curse words in the world could not begin to describe how tired I am right now.

Between work and moving and well, other soon to be announced projects I'm working on (no, I'm not pregnant or getting married, so you can just stop thinking that) - I can't seem to find any time to rest.

On average, I've been getting about 5 hours of sleep at night. I don't like it. I wake up every morning angrier than the next.

Lazy

2010-09-23T04:22:00.000-07:00

I hate it when people say "Find something you're passionate about and make it into a career."

Let's see....what are my interests?

-Coronation Street
-Sitting around.
-Star magazine
-Elvis Impersonators
-Tossing my dirty laundry around the basement to see how Nick reacts. (It's a social experiment)

Wait - this makes me sound like a horrible and lazy person.
And what do horrible and lazy people do? Nothing! I've got the perfect job for me. Unemployment!

Wow. Shoot for the stars, Christene.

Sadly, though, I'd just feel guilty doing that.

So it's a life of office work for me.

Hooray.

Let's PARRRRTTTTYYY!

2010-09-20T04:32:00.000-07:00

I move soon.

It's kind of sad - I'm going to fall one year short of my life long ambition of being 30 years old and living in my parent's basement.

On the plus side, I won't be 30 years old and living in my parent's basement.

And another thing - when did "Party" become a verb? I'm sure it happened sometime in the 80's. It was probably started by the Beastie Boys or David Lee Roth.
And how does one "Party"? Everytime I think about it, I picture some drunk guy dancing by himself in a corner.
I think it should be kept as a noun.

But that's just me and I'm an Old Fashoined Girl.

On my desk at work...

2010-09-14T04:25:00.000-07:00

... I have an Elvis calendar.

Normally, I quite enjoy my daily dose of the king, however - today's creeped me out.

I don't know about his guy.

What's with all the half posts, you ask?

2010-09-08T09:11:00.000-07:00

I had a bunch of unposted junk entries just sitting there, so I decided to go ahead and post them all.
Enjoy!

BANANAS!

2010-08-31T10:08:00.000-07:00

If I have to read another Facebook status from someone complaining about how they're turning 20 or 18 or any other age under 24 and that they're getting SOOOOOOO old, I'm going to go BANANAS!

Just please stop it. It's not cute. No one finds this amusing.
Yes, I understand that you're no longer a teenager and it's going to be a HUGE adjustment for you - but guess what? Being a teenager is not a good thing.

You won't miss it. Trust me.

All tuckered out....

2010-08-20T16:38:00.000-07:00

Some people just can't handle Disneyland.

See you guys soon.

9 years too late.

2010-08-13T06:31:00.000-07:00

I leave for Disneyland tomorrow.

This should be interesting.

So, the other day, Nick and I were sitting around talking about the Country Bears Jamboree. We had decided that they kind of look like my Dad and I even made up a song about them. I annoyed Nick with this song for hours.
I made a mental note to make my first order of business once I got there was to sprint to the Country Bears Jamboree. It was going to be EPIC!
The following day, I got to work and in an attempt to get myself all pumped up for the trip, I looked up the Country Bears Jamboree on Wikipedia.

I was not prepared for what I was about to find out.

Much to my dismay, they had closed down the Jamboree in 2001.
I'm 9 years too late.

I did not get much sympathy from my co-workers, either.

Tina's response:
"You know what the County Bear Jamboree is, Christene? It's white trash. Those bears are the bear equivalent to white trash."

Oh well, I'll always have this:

A very special Happy Birthday Greeting to.....

2010-08-11T07:28:00.001-07:00

....One of the kids from Kriss Kross.

He's 32.

Thirty fucking two.

I don't really mean to complain, but - God, everyone's getting old.

Babies.

2010-08-10T17:02:00.000-07:00

If I could, I would smash my biological clock into a million pieces with a baseball bat.

But sadly, I can't.

While I'm certainly in no position to push a screaming, living creature out of my body - I can't help but feel a little jealous never someone I know decides to do so.

It's weird. Babies freak me out. I don't even know where these maternal urges are coming from. I can't even hold one without horrible images of me accidentally dropping the thing flash through my mind. I'm afraid that if I ever have one of my own, I won't be able to hold it. The poor thing is going to grow up with a complex.

It just seems like motherhood is some sort of club that I'm just not allowed to join.

Happy Freaking Birthday, Christene.

2010-07-14T15:33:00.001-07:00

As of 8:15 am this morning, I'm 29.

And my eye, for some reason is red. I hope it's not an eye infection.

The first marriage is only for practice?

2010-06-25T22:19:00.001-07:00

It's official.
I'm a Divorcee.

Gross.

Divorcee.

What do I tell people?
"I'm Christene. I'm a divorcee"
Like gray hair and cigars, it's the kind of thing that looks distinguished on men - but on women, it's a different story.

Even the word Divorcee is a little trashy.

I almost feel as if I have to start dancing seductively to ZZ Top at seedy bars and hit on younger men. I'd lie about my age. No, wait - I'd tell them my real age and then be all like "I'm probably as old as your Mama. Does your mama look like this?" I'd take up smoking and drink wine coolers. All of my clothes will either be bright pink or have some sort of animal pattern on them.

Anyways, I'm totally stoked because the whole process is over.

Does anyone want to buy a wedding ring set? I know where you can get one - cheap.

FacePOWERS!

2010-06-03T04:00:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday, Tina and I were discussing that stupid thing that some girls do where they identify themselves with one of the Sex and City girls. You know what I'm talking about....
"Oh my god, Sally is totally the Carrie" or "You are SUCH a Samantha".

(Somebody once told me that I was a Charlotte. Get out of here. I'm NOT a fucking Charlotte.)

Anyhow, we figured that people should start playing this game with the Golden Girls.
Tina was the Ruth, I was the Blanche and so on...

So, today, I change my Facebook status to "Christene is totally a Blanche."

10 minutes later, I found out Rue McClannahan (the actress who had played Blanche) had died.

Something tells me that this isn't a coincidence.

Stay away from me. I'm bad news.

Jerkstene - part 2.

2010-05-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

I did the most amazing thing this weekend.
We went to the Rodeo this weekend and we all went to the Longhorn Saloon - which is pretty much a big dark barn where 550 people drink beer and get into fights.
It got too intense for me. I felt old, the lineups for the washrooms were like a half hour long and the drink line-ups were double the length.

So, Nick and I decided to leave early.

As we were leaving, I was apparently walking into the path of this girl who was dressed in her rodeo tramp finest. According to Nick, she looked like she took hours to get ready for her big night.

She just so happened to be carrying 3 beers in her hand.

I had no idea that this had happened, but as I walked by, I accidentally knocked her 3 beers out of her hand and she was soaked in beer from head to toe. With one fell swoop, I single handedly ruined her night. She was probably the type who waits all year for the rodeo so she has an excuse to dress up like a trampy cowgirl. Maybe she has a countdown at her desk at work, I don't know.

When we were almost at the front door, Nick had stopped me and was all like "Do you just realize what you did?"

After he had explained to me what I had done, I looked at him and was all like "WE HAVE TO RUN. NOW!" - because in the grand tradition of rednecks at the Rodeo, this girl was looking for me and ready to beat me up.

Thankfully, I emerged unscathed, got some mini donuts and my Dad picked us up (Grade 8 style.)

So, needless to say, I had an eventful weekend.

2010-05-21T06:48:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that I lived in my cubicle at work and the kids from Glee were helping me clean it.

One is the loneliest number...

2010-05-17T05:35:00.000-07:00

Tina, Rebs and Rae-anne are on their way to Ireland as I write this. Those jerks.

They laughed at me when I warned them about the dangers of being trafficked.
Whatever, I'm just being protective. As a wise woman of the world, I know about the dangers of being trafficked. I saw that Donald Sutherland/Mira Sorvino TV movie. That makes me pretty much an expert on the subject now.

Whatever, that's OK. I still have Andy. Good old dependable Andy. Always at the office when everyone else is gone...

So I thought.

I passed Andy in the underground this morning on my way into work. I rolled down my windows and yelled "HEY! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING???"

"I forgot my pass. I have to go home to get it"

"Oh, good. I thought they were sending you to Calgary."

"Well, actually, they are. Tomorrow."

Whatever. I don't need them. I can be alone.

I think.

This is going to be the longest two weeks ever.

An open letter to the Vancouver Canucks.

2010-05-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Canucks,

Seriously?
Now, I'm not all that emotionally invested in you guys. Actually, I think your only redeeming quality is that handsome head coach of yours, Alain Vingneult.

But come on.

I already don't like you guys. I have to take a backseat to you for about 9 months out of the year.
All hockey season, I feel like some sort of sleazy mistress - only getting attention when the "wife is out of town" (or when you jack asses are not playing).

Now that you've gotten yourselves kicked out of the playoffs in the exact same way as last year, I have one PISSY boyfriend on my hands.
Sure, It's fine for you. You can go back to your hometowns and cry yourselves to sleep on your giant piles of money.
I'm sure that right now Sami Salo is icing his broken nut down with a diamond encrusted cashmere icepack.
I'm sure that Luongo is greasing his locks down with the finest oils while laying on the beach in St. Tropez.

And I get to deal with grumpy pants.

Every year, I get a warning. "If the canucks lose in the playoffs, I'm going to be really upset and grumpy. I might be a little hard to live with ."
And how is that fair to me? It's not. It's bullshit.

You assholes have one job. Get that puck in the net more times than the other guys. I could probably do a better job by myself. And that's saying a lot.
Let me put it this way, I'm not the most physically fit girl and I need one of those metal walker things that kids use when they learn how to ice skate.

So, for next year, why don't you try something new?

It's called not sucking and leaving Christene to pick up the pieces of her boyfriend's broken heart.

Love,
Christene.

The Dawson.

2010-05-04T10:31:00.001-07:00

I used to love Dawson's Creek until Dawson started to cry all the time.

It was just too exhausting to watch.

Birthday Nachos

2010-04-30T07:42:00.001-07:00

So, this morning on the way to work, Tina and I were discussing this song.
Watch the video. I'll wait...

First of all, this guy has it all wrong. This is not what a woman wants for her birthday.
This is what he wants for her birthday.
And really, we all know this dude totally forgot his lady's Birthday and was all like "No, Honey, I didn't forget your Birthday....I got you....Birthday Sex!"

This is most selfish song I've ever heard. The more I think about it, the angrier I get.
I'm mean, look at this guy. Is he so confident in his abilities that an evening with him would replace a nice dinner? I highly doubt it. He looks like a jack-ass. When it's all said and done, he'll probably roll over and say something like "You gotta go. My Mom will be home soon."

If I was this chick, I'd be pissed.
Sex can be time consuming and that takes up valuable time on my special day. In Christene-land, the only way that Birthday Sex happens is if I don't fall asleep early because I've had too much wine. So, it pretty much never happens.

I took a poll with myself and here's a list of things women really want for their birthday:

-Actual Birthday PRESENTS
-Birthday control of the TV remote

That's it. You don't even need to get naked.

Hell, I'd be happy with a big plate of Birthday Nachos and a Rock of Love Bus marathon.

Vegas Post.

2010-04-30T07:10:00.000-07:00

Hi. My name's Christene.

Remember me?

I've been busy.

You know how it is....going to Vegas, getting sick, work, laundry etc...I've been busy.

So, in point form, here is pretty much the past month for me.

- I went to Vegas. It was fun. I fufilled my lifelong ambition of falling asleep during a Cirque Du Soleil show. Also, Nick puked in my hair. It's ok, though. He caught my cold so now we're even.

Why does it even matter?

2010-04-13T08:26:00.000-07:00

I made the mistake yesterday of setting a series recording on the PVR for 'Rock of Love Bus'.

This launched Nick into a rant.

"I don't understand how you can watch this. You're smart, how do you find this entertaining?"

First of all, I'd hardly call myself smart.

Remember the time I leased a car with my ex-boyfriend? Not smart.

And secondly, TV like that is an escape for me. I realize that it's the Television equivalent to Kool-Aid or McDonald's (cheap and with no substance).

And lastly, I like a good Cat fight. They're funny. Especially when they're fighting over a middle aged washed out musician.

Shut Up,

2010-04-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

Jamie Oliver is annoying.

I'm pretty sure he annoys me more than anyone has

Breakin' the Law, Breakin' the Law!

2010-04-06T04:00:00.000-07:00

It seems highly unlikely that I'll ever have to go to jail. You see, I tend to not break the law.

If I ever did, however, I like to think that my friends will wear shirts that say 'Free Christene'.

The support would be appreciated.

2010-04-05T16:47:00.000-07:00

I get angry sometimes.

Sometimes I feel like

Please don't curse me, gypsy lady.

2010-04-01T04:49:00.000-07:00

I think I might be going to hell.

Last night, I was walking to my car after my shift at the IHOP when I was approached by a lady in her mid 50's. She was dressed like a gypsy and had a thick european accent.

"Excuse me, do you know where the Salvation Army is?"

"It's just down the street - only about a couple blocks."

"Can you give me a ride? This bag is so heavy. I took the bus from Vancouver"

Now, this all seemed a little strange to me. First of all, why didn't she go drop her donations off at the Salvation Army in Vancouver? Also, it was 9:00 at night and the Salvation Army was probably closed. And who asks a stranger for a ride? She didn't know who I was. For all she knew, I was a mass murderer.

And I didn't know what was in that bag. I could have been a gun or a knife or a dead body. It's sad, but in this day and age, it's just not safe to give rides to strangers. Even if it is to a seemingly harmless old gypsy lady.

"Sorry, I can't. I'm going in the complete opposite direction. It's not far down the road."

"Please? I'm not a bad person. Just drop me off at the intersection, that's all I ask. I can pay you."

" I'm really sorry"

I started to feel guilty. She was probably harmless. But it just all seemed a little too fishy.

As I drove home, the guilt started to eat away at me. What if that was my one chance to redeem myself karma wise? Or what if she was like that gypsy lady from Drag me to Hell? What if she puts a curse on me and in 3 days the ground opens up and a firey hand grabs my ankle and drags me to hell?

I suppose it was nice knowing you all. If you need me for anything, I'd advise that you get a hold of me before Saturday - after that I'll probably be in hell.
And I'm pretty sure that cell phone reception is really bad down there.

BANG BANG BOOM!

2010-03-26T06:40:00.000-07:00

Once, Tina told me that a former member of The Moffats worked for our company and I believed her.

She's a jerk.

Holy Crap.

2010-03-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

I'm going to Vegas in 23 days.

Blog-worthy

2010-03-17T06:18:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile. I apologize to the 4 people who actually read this blog - I've just been lazy.

I was actually thought that no one had noticed that I'm neglecting this thing until Tina sent me this email:First and Foremost, Ass hat?

YOU'RE THE ASS-HAT, TINA! YOU SHOULDN'T LET YOUR MOUTH WRITE A CHEQUE YOUR ASS CAN'T CASH. LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE AND SEE HOW TOUGH YOU REALLY ARE.

Anyhoo... nothing really blog-worthy has happened.

I suppose I could dig for stuff...

- I think someone hit a skunk with their car on their way to work yesterday morning. The whole GVRD smelled like skunks. For a second I thought it was me. The smell went away when I got to my desk. Thank god.

- I won 6 dollars on a scratch and win yesterday morning as well. I'm going to sink my winnings right back into the lottery system.

-I drank a sugar-free Redbull on Monday At 5 am. I don't know what possessed me to do this. I hate the smell of energy drinks and it's hardly a balanced breakfast.

-I feel like I'm losing weight off my ass and gaining it on my neck.

-I really can't hear the ocean when I hold a shell up to my ear. I think it's all bullshit, anyway.

And finally, this is what everyone in my office is talking about right now.

I suppose everyone needs a hobby.

Sad Morning.

2010-03-10T07:30:00.000-08:00

I'm totally sad.

This morning, they had closed the Pattullo bridge (shocking, I know.) and we had to turn around and take the Port Mann Bridge.
I turned on the radio to see what was going on. We were very angry that our beloved little bridge had been closed down and wanted answers.

Then, we heard the news.

"BREAKING NEWS!!"
"Former child star Corey Haim has been found dead in his Hollywood apartment"

After getting over the initial shock, the first words out of Tina's mouth were:

"You know who I feel sorry for? Corey Feldman."

We also went on to discuss the fact that because it was so early in the morning, no one was probably listening to the radio. We were probably the first people in the lower mainland to hear the news. Sadly, that made us feel special.

Cut to two hours later.

A rather sad looking Nicole visits me at my desk. I don't even have to ask her what the problem is.

"I'm going to go pour some coffee out on the ground for my fallen Haimie." (Get it? Haimie? Homie?. I thought it was pretty clever. And she was legitimately upset, too. Even in her saddest moments, Nicole stays witty.)

It's been a sad day around the office.

2010-03-09T06:28:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty excited.

Vegas in 38 days.

I won!

2010-03-05T14:04:00.000-08:00

I just got a phone call from a lady who told me I won 3190 travel dollars!!

What a day!

Email of the Day.

2010-03-04T11:27:00.000-08:00

If you want something done, do it yourself.

2010-03-03T09:49:00.000-08:00

It's my fault. Totally.

I trusted someone I shouldn't have trusted to do something that they promised to have done for me MONTHS AGO.

This certain person has let me down numerous times and as a result, they are no longer a part of my life and I resent the shit out of them.
The sad thing is, they probably don't even realize that they've done anything wrong. No one has ever corrected their bad behavior. People kept making excuses for this person. Myself included.

As much as I had wanted this to be a big rant about what a selfish, lazy jerk this person is, my moral barometer tells me I can't. It's my own damn fault. I allowed this to happen.
I just hope one day this person realizes that their actions are going to result in the loss of everyone around them, if they continue going about this way.

Knowing all this, you'd think that I would have learned my lesson and just completed the task myself. Perhaps I was hoping that this person would do me a solid, maybe to make up for all the let downs.

Perhaps I've just been naieve.

What?

2010-03-01T16:10:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, my favourite thing in the world was Flintstones vitamins.

Every night, at bedtime, my dad would pretend to pull them out from behind my ears.

As a kid, this would blow my mind. It was too much for my 6 year old brain to comprehend.

For the longest time, I actually thought that these vitamins came from behind my ears.

It's memories like this that remind me why they had put me in remedial math.

2010-02-26T07:53:00.000-08:00

Someone in my office has recently taken to wearing a really cheap smelling purfume - and a lot of it. The thing is, I have no idea where it's coming from.

She stinks up the entire building.

Email of the day.

2010-02-25T11:21:00.001-08:00

(For those of you who don't know her, that is a picture of Tina.)

An open letter to Canadian citizens:

2010-02-24T14:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Canada,

You're putting too much pressure on our olympic athletes. They're trying their best.

Thank you.

Happy.

2010-02-23T06:46:00.000-08:00

I've had a stressful week. Life can be intense at times, I suppose. Things are much better now.

Anyhow, I've been tagged by Ought to say No....
I must list the top ten things that make me happy.

Top Ten Things that make me happy...

1) Nick. He picks my stray hairs out of the sink and makes me laugh.

2) Drinking coffee and watching re-runs of Roseanne with my dubs on my days off. I'll be sad when she goes off of Maternity Leave. That crazy beotch makes me laugh.

3) Commutes to and from work with Tina. Another crazy beotch who makes me laugh.

4) Coffee.

5) Coronation Street

6) Eavesdropping on my co-workers conversations at work

7) That moment that happens after witnessing someone fall down a flight of stairs and you realize that they're OK and it's alright to laugh.

8) Complaining about stuff.

9) Fat Pants

10) Jersey Shore. I want to wash my dirty laundry on The Situation's abs.

Now, I must tag 10 people to do the same. Since I always do everything half-assed, I'm only tagging 1.

Rebs, you're up.

I apologize in advance if I snap at you.

2010-02-22T06:43:00.000-08:00

I've been so stressed these past few weeks, I can't even think straight.

Yeah!

2010-02-19T20:19:00.000-08:00

The coolest person in the office.

2010-02-19T06:25:00.000-08:00

So, this morning, Tina got into my car and said "I'm gonna be the coolest person in the office today."
Quite the bold statement, considering the fact that I work there.
However, this time she was right..
She was wearing a shirt with this picture on it.

I haven't been so jealous of an article of clothing since grade 6, when everyone was wearing red Guess jeans and I couldn't have a pair because:
A) they were expensive and my mom wasn't about to pay 80 bucks for a pair of jeans that I was just going to spill chocolate or something equally stainy on them and
B) when we finally did find a pair on sale at the Bay, I couldn't squeeze my chubby little ass into them. Oh, how I tried. It was so devastating. All the other kids at school were wearing their hip jeans and I had to settle for Hammer pants.

At least the Hammer Pants were comfortable.

Irrational, perhaps?

2010-02-15T07:09:00.000-08:00

Damn it.

I'm feeling angry this morning. At everyone.
I have the urge to stand on a cliff and throw all of my belonings off of it. I want to smash mirrors. I want to yell at strangers. I want to eat my weight in nachos. I need a drink. I need 6 drinks. I want to rip off the wallpaper off the walls at someone's house. I want to bury my head in the sand. I want to cancel my Facebook account. I want to tattoo the lyrics to "Everybody hurts" on my forehead.

I think I might be PMSing.

Just lovely.

2010-02-15T04:45:00.000-08:00

The icing on the cake to my stressful weekend:

Backing out of the garage amd smashing off my side view mirror.

If I were an emotional teenager, I'd probably write "FML" here.

I Choo Choo Choose you.

2010-02-14T07:55:00.000-08:00

Well, here it is.
Happy Valentine's day, people.

Last night, in an attempt to celebrate this occasion, Nick and I had decided to go for a fine meal. However, in typical Nick and Christene fashion, we did not plan ahead and had to call about 3000 restaurants to find which one didn't have like 30 year wait for a table.
Apparently, people make these things called "reservations" on special occasions like this.
Try-hards.

And guess where we ended up going?
Yes. Choo-Choo's.

For those of you who have never dined at this fine establishment, this is a train themed restaurant in Langley. It wasn't bad. I think the zucchini sticks gave me gut rot, though.

One could say we Choo Choo Chose to go to Choo-Choo's.

Hilarious.

Tina kicks office sexual harrassment rules in the nuts.

2010-02-12T06:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at work, Tina and I were talking to one of our co-workers who had just celebrated his birthday.
Now, keep in mind that neither of us know this guy very well.

Tina : "So, did you get cake?"

Co-Worker: "Yes, I sure did"

Tina : "Did you get birthday sex?"

Tina is one classy lassie.

I'm gonna rock yo' world.

2010-02-11T19:00:00.001-08:00

When I was a kid, I used to think that Wanda from In Living Color was an actual woman, not Jamie Foxx in drag.

Wrestling is ridiculous.

2010-02-11T04:44:00.000-08:00

Out of all the things I hate about this world, this is what I hate the most.
Look at these guys. They're like 45 years old. Grow up.
Go raise your families.

Wrestling is ridiculous.

2010-02-10T08:51:00.000-08:00

Jerkstene.

2010-02-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

I remember my very first asshole move.

I was 7 and in grade 2. I know, it's young - but when you're this big of a jerk, you gotta start early, I suppose.
I had two teachers that year - they were on a job share.
One of them was lovely. She read us stories, gave us stickers and basically crapped out sunshine.
The other one, however, was the opposite. She was pure evil. We all hated her. She wasn't born, she flew out of hell on the back of Meatloaf's motorcycle.

Whenever she left the room all of the kids would start talking about how much they hated her - myself included.
The difference between them and I was that I was a somewhat manipulative little kid and spent a lot of time trying to figure out a way to get that nasty bitch on my side. I was sick and tired of her wrath and if I could lure her into my web of deceit, maybe just maybe it would work out in my favor.

One day, it hit me. The perfect ruse.
It was so simple.

I walked up to her desk, took one look at her and said "You know, all of the other kids hate you and think you're mean. But not me. I like you."

So, in an attempt to win her favor, I threw an entire class of 7 year olds under the bus and probably gave her a complex at the same time, as I'm pretty sure that she had no idea that everyone hated her.

No wonder I always ate lunch alone.

Breakfast of Champions

2010-02-09T07:31:00.000-08:00

There's one lady in my office who always starts her day with a soda product of some sort.
When she opens the can, It sounds like she's starting her day with a brewski.
That would be really bad-ass. Or sad.

Depends on how you look at it, I suppose.

Winter Olympips.

2010-02-09T06:50:00.000-08:00

This morning in the car, I referred to the Olympics as the Olympips, which Tina turned into "Gladys Knight and the Olympips".

I'm sure VANOC will see this blog post and demand that I remove it.

Effing Painful.....

2010-02-04T11:17:00.000-08:00

...is how I'd describe my day so far.

I had no idea that boredom could cause physical pain.

Pardon my french, but my existence can be so fucking mundane at times.

Here is a rundown of a typical day in the life of Christene:

- I wake up at 4 am. Yes, 4 am. I realize that it's stupid early, but I'm used to it. I think it makes me kind of bad ass. Although, it means that I have to go to bed at 8. Not so bad ass. I guess the two cancel each other out.

- I make my lunch. Usually a salad. I hate salad. And I'm still fat.

- Then, I take a shower. It's the time of the day I take a look in the mirror, zero in on all my flaws and generally loathe the way I look. At least I have a nice personality....

- I get dressed. I have 4 pairs of the exact same jeans - which I like to rotate. I'm pretty sure that people think I wear the same pair of jeans everyday. This doesn't bother me.

- I get in my car and pick up Tina.

Rebs has the sneezles.

2010-01-29T06:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, on our way back from our break at work, Rebs sneezed on the

Jeans.

2010-01-27T06:15:00.000-08:00

I am wearing a pair of Jeans today that I previously could not button up.

I think I'll celebrate with a milkshake.

2010-01-19T09:32:00.000-08:00

It's gotten to the point where I'm actually a little depressed at the fact that Jersey Shore is almost over.

2010-01-13T09:43:00.000-08:00

I know, I've been neglectful to this bog.

Taking my time....

2010-01-07T20:34:00.000-08:00

I am now in my 10th year as a new driver.
I'm just a slow learner.

2010-01-01T17:31:00.001-08:00

So, there you have it folks.
Last night marked the end of the year I had dubbed "Year of Christene"..
This came along at a really strange time in my life.
Along with this declaration, I had come up with a set of mantras for me to live by.

1) If Christene doesn't like it, she's not going to do it.
2) Christene does whatever she likes. Within reason. If its illegal or hurts others, obviously I'm not going to do it. Now that I re-read this, its the same as mantra #1, but worded differently. Good.
3) Christene is only going to surround herself with people she thinks are as cutting edge as she is.
Now, I already do this, which would explain why I don't have very many friends.
4) If Christene wants to randomly bust out a rap song, she will. I'm pretty street and I no longer refuse to hide it.
5) Christene no longer eats her feelings. Being fat sucks and I hate it. And this is the last time I'm going to talk about it. No one likes a fatty who whines about being fat and then eats an entire family sized bag of doritos and washes it down with a bottle of gin. Not that I know from experience or anything....
6) Christene no longer wears hoodies. I'm sick of them and its time to grow up.
7) If Christene's pissed at you, you're going to hear about it. No more suppressed feelings.
8) If Christene wants to discuss something useless in great detail, she will not be embarrassed to do so. (EX: Maury Povich and old episodes of any TV show made in the 1990's.) Also something I already do.

Charlie Sheen and Whores.

2009-12-29T08:23:00.000-08:00

There's so many things I could be writing about (my phobia of social situations, Christmas, work, TV, people who get their cats high by blowing marijuana smoke in their faces - a big pet peeve of mine, by the way)....but for some reason, I've been having issues coming up with half-decent blog posts.

Let's see....

Yesterday was a good day. I stayed in my pajamas until 4, then I got dressed and went to Wal-mart. I managed to rack up a 70 dollar bill on lunch boxes and plastic containers for this wacky diet I'm starting in the New Year.
And really, what's a New Year without a diet? For me, New Years and diets go together like Christmas and presents or Charlie Sheen and whores. Last year, my diet lasted 4 days. Shameful, I know.
I feel as if I shouldn't talk about it, as typically when I talk about a diet or "Lifestyle change" (as the book I'm reading calls it, BAH!) it sets me up for failure. So, this is all you're going to hear about it.
As a great kick start to my diet, we went to the Olive Garden for dinner with Nick's family last night. I ate too much. Story of my life.
However, there's something about the Olive Garden that always bothers me. Where we were sitting, there is this stupid decorative patio on the wall. On this patio is a small table with a chair. On this table is a bottle of wine.
Whenever I sit in this section at the Olive Garden, I can't stop staring at this table. It consumes me.
You know why?
There's no way to get up on that patio. How impractical is that? That's an extra table. People could sit there. You know, if they utilized all of their space properly, they wouldn't have hour and a half wait times.
And you know what?
I wanna sit up there one day. If I were a criminal about to be executed, I'd request to eat my last meal on that stupid patio.
Stupid Olive Garden fake patio.
That's going on my bucket list.

2009-12-28T17:46:00.001-08:00

I hate it when people stick their tongues out.

I also hate it when people get their amimals high.

That is all.

Facebook called me fat.

2009-12-28T17:35:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that recently all of the ads that I see on Facebook have something to do with weight loss.

Facebook is a judgemental prick.

2009-12-28T17:21:00.001-08:00

I hope everyone had a decent Christmas.

Mine was good.

I bought us (Nick and I) matching lunch bags today.

2009-12-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

At work, it's the last day before Christmas Vacation.

Gutter Mind

2009-12-21T04:43:00.000-08:00

Lately, Nick and I have this thing where if one of us mentions something that could sound remotely dirty, the other will respond with a "I gotta _____ for ya!" in the most lecherous, dirty old man voice.
For example, if we were making hot dogs and one of us needed a wiener (hee hee) , the other will say "I gotta wiener for ya!". Or if someone needs a stamp to mail a letter, the other will respond with a "I gotta a stamp for ya!"

This morning, I got a facebook message from a friend of mine asking if I would to go a Mary Kay party some time in the new year if she were to throw one.
She was explaining about how her friend was trying to give 30 facials in 30 days.

And since it's currently 4:45 AM and my judgement hasn't kicked in yet, I almost responded with a "I gotta facial for ya!".

And I wonder why people think I'm weird.

I shouldn't be admitting this but.....

2009-12-18T06:29:00.000-08:00

.......I can't get enough of Jersey Shore.

I swear to god - everytime I watch it a kitten must die or something, but I can't stop.
It's probably the worst that TV has to offer.
I had no idea people like this even existed.

My personal favourite is Snooki. She's short, full of energy and gets sloppy drunk all the time. On the first night, she tried to make out with all the guys in the hot tub and then pouted when no one was giving her any attention.
On last night's episode, she was doing flips at the Nightclub while wearing a dress. MTV had to blur out her crotch. You know you've done something embarrassing on TV when your crotch has to be blurred out.

Then there's "The Situation". Here is a guy who actually refers to himself as "The Situation". I imagine he gave that nickname to himself.
Here's the rule with nicknames - If you give them to yourself, they don't count.
Anyhoo, he likes to lift up his shirt to reveal his crunchy abs and say "This is the situation right here."
No, mister. I'll tell YOU the situation. You're like 30 and you're spending your summer with a bunch of 21 year olds in a summer house working at a T-shirt stand. Put down the tanning oil, stop trying to sleep with teenagers, act your age and get a fucking job. I'm pretty sure that out of all the people in the house, he is the one most likely to contract a social disease.

Vinny doesn't do much.

Jwwow (Yes, that's what they call her. ) has big fake boobs and has already cheated on her boyfriend by making out with Pauly D and then looking at piercing on his noodle. SCANDAL!

Ronnie and Sammi are like, totally, like, totally, like, totally into each other. What they have is like, real, you know?
I give it a month.

I watch terrible TV.
Please don't judge me for it.

I want my money back.

2009-12-10T11:11:00.000-08:00

The spicy meat sauce at the Old Spaghetti Factory is not spicy.

A chunk of it, however, is currently lodged between the N and the M on my keyboard.

I'm saving it for later.

I hate pictures.

2009-12-08T08:09:00.001-08:00

You know what drives me insane?
Looking at pictures of myself.
For some reason, I am the least photogenic person on the planet.

It consumes me.

Sad.

2009-12-04T09:49:00.000-08:00

I love Coronation Street like Jessie Spano loves caffeine pills.
So of course, this news item caused me to have a little bit of an emo moment yesterday.
I'm sure most of you have no idea who this is, but Blanche died on Wednesday. Well, the actress who played her (Maggie Jones) died.

It's times like this that make me wish people could un-die.

My heart hurts right now.

Nick loves his Snuggie.

2009-12-03T18:07:00.000-08:00

I bought Nick a Snuggie.

Now for those who are uninformed, a Snuggie is a blanket with sleeves.

And of course, since he is a male, his knee-jerk reaction was to tell me that it was the stupidest thing he had ever seen.

However, I could see by the twinkle in those lovely blue eyes of his that he was so very excited about this purchase of mine.

When he put it on, he looked like he was wearing a ball gown.

Finally, some good news.

2009-12-02T11:02:00.001-08:00

Hahahaha, Pig Farts.

I'm not sniffing around for sympathy but..

2009-11-30T10:20:00.000-08:00

....I'm having one of those days today.

Kids these days....

2009-11-25T06:46:00.000-08:00

The King Khan and BBQ show were playing in town on Monday night and because lately, I have had this thing for men who wear sparkly turbans and gold booty shorts, my friend Ashleigh and I went to go check it out.

And it did not disappoint.
But, this post is not about the show itself.
It's about the people at the show.

All of the hipster kids are dressing like explorers from the 1800's these days. When did this come into fashion? There were all wearing fur caps, camping sweaters, moccasins and headbands - they looked like they were standing in line at the trading post.
To put it bluntly, they looked ridiculous.
How can I take you hipsters seriously when you mock my music choices at the record store when you're dressed like Louis Riel?

Now, I know what you're thinking.
"Really, Christene, YOU'RE criticising someone else's fashion choices? I think you should look in the mirror, Old Navy."
Whatever. My blog. Leave me alone.

Regardless, the fact that I felt the need to write this post officially makes me old.
I think we can file this one under "I don't understand kids these days".

Grande Surprise.

2009-11-23T10:35:00.000-08:00

My best friend had asked me to babysit her daughter while they go to her husband's Christmas party last Saturday night.

When I got there, instead of babysitting, I had been treated to a "Grande Surprise."

You see, back on my 16th birthday, Kristyl had ditched me to hang out with her boyfriend.

I ended up spending my 16th birthday watching TV with my parents.
Which really made no difference to me. My teen years has been one big giant suck-fest to begin with, so this was typical protocol. I was used to being alone.
To tell you the truth, I didn't think much of it.

She had been there for every other milestone in my life. And in the grand scheme of things, one missed 16th birthday hardly seemed like something to dwell on. I mean come on, she was 16. I'm sure if I had a boyfriend, I would have been tempted to do the same thing.

But apparently, this had been one of Kristyl's biggest regrets. Something she had thought about for the past 12 years.

So, instead of babysitting her daughter, I had been treated to a surprise belated 16th birthday party. Complete with music from that era and cupcakes shaped like cheeseburgers.

It's one of the most amazing, selfless things anyone has ever done for me.

101

2009-11-16T19:02:00.001-08:00

Last year, at some point, Nick had posted a 101 random facts about him on his blog and suggested I do the same.
So, here you go.

1) I am married, but not to the person I'm currently in a relationship with. Not something I'm proud of, but I suppose it happens. Look at me! I'm a statistic!

2) I don't give people the middle finger because my hands are tiny and chubby. There is no way anyone could take it seriously. I look like a 3 year old sitting in her car seat mimicking her dad while he road rages.

3) I'm only attracted to men who make me laugh.

4) I am a chronic yo-yo dieter. You name a diet, I've done it. And failed at it.

5) On most days, I prefer coffee to people.

6) When I was a kid, I was certain that I was going to marry Joe McIntyre from the New Kids on the Block.

7) I've been in three serious relationships.

8) This afternoon, Nick told me that I seem like the kind of person who doesn't cry. I took offense to this for 2 reasons: A) It's not true. I cry all the time. Pop Selena into the DVD player and I'll be crying for hours. (Seriously, why did that jerk have to kill her? All she wanted to was give the world the gift of her songs!) and B) It makes me sound jaded and rough around the edges - like a grizzled cougar who hangs out at the Sundowner and hits on the young mens.

9) In grade 4, I went to a dietitian who told me I was going to be 5'7. I'm 5'2. What a stupid asshole. I went through High School just waiting for a growth spurt that never happened. It gave me a complex. I should sue.

10) My childhood best friend and current best friend were born 2 days apart from each other. I get along well with Libras.

11) I love Elvis.

12) There are only 3 people in this world who I don't feel the need to censor myself around (well to some degree). I seem sweet, but in reality, I'm rather foul.

13) I have no kids and have no current plans for kids in the near future - but I'd like at least one. It would be selfish of me not to procreate. I couldn't imagine a future without a little Christene awkwarding around. I mean, who are all of the other future kids going to make fun of?

14) I'm almost 30 and I still think farts are hilarious.

15) I have 2 middle names. Louise and Angel. I don't know, it just seems unnecessary. Wouldn't one middle name be sufficient? What's with the Angel anyway? When we were kids, my cousin Katerina thought it was hilarious to call me Christene Louise Devil. Ha Ha. Hilarious.

16) I currently have 3 ICBC claims on the car I'm driving. Not one of them my fault.

17) I've known my best friend Kristyl for 17 years. She is the sister my mother never gave me. It's one of those rare unconditional friendships that very few people seem to have.

18) I carpool with Tina, who happens to be one of the 3 funniest people I know. My stomach muscles hurt after driving to work.
The other two are Kristyl, who I think is hilarious to the point of brilliance and of course Nick, who just seems to be on another level. Sometimes I wonder what he's doing dating a shulb such as myself.

19) I still have my 'N'.

20) I gag at the sight of someone else's chewed up discarded gum. The worst moment of my life was the time that an Ex had spat his gum in my mouth while we were making out. I'm shocked that I didn't dump him right then and there.

21) I'm not really quite sure what color my eyes are. They're either Gray or Green. Because of this, I've never been able to buy that "enhance your eye color" make-up. It consumes me.

22) I need to lose a lot of weight right now.

23) I've always hated my smile. My teeth are too small and my gums are too large. I look like a meth addict.

24) My current favorite TV show is Coronation Street. If you don't know what it is, google it.

25) Out of all the people I work with, I only dislike one person. And she's not even in my department. Hell, I don't even have to talk to her. But for some reason, I dislike her.

26) My worst trait is that I sometimes dislike people on principle.

27) My best trait is that I sometimes dislike people on principle.

28) I've never had a one night stand. Actually, I've never had the opportunity for one.

29) Someone once told me that I look like Willow's wife from Willow. What a terrible thing to tell someone. If I ever see that guy again, I'm kicking him in the junk.

30) My stomach is upset right now.

31) I wear a size 7.5 shoe.

32) I think OJ did it.

34) So far, this has been the best year of my life. I don't want it to end.

35) The fact that my hair is about 55% gray bothers me.

36) My family has had 4 dogs and 2 cats. Sadly, there is only one pet left, a cat named Little Mo, who happens to be 1000 years old and demanding as hell.

37) One day, I hope to own a dog. His or Her name will be Stampy.

38) Nick and I plan on going for Pho tonight.

39) I have been to England, Ireland, The Czech Republic and the US (or course). Next year, Nick and I plan on adding to this list, however, we can't decide on Europe or Australia.

40) When I was 20, I used to hang out with a guy in hopes that eventually he would grow to have feelings for me - even though he kept telling me that he "didn't date" (which really means "I'm not going to date YOU" where was "He's just not that into you" when I needed it??) It was really weird. My plan never came into fruition.

41) My favorite food is Brie Cheese.

42) I hate being nagged. I've made this really clear to Nick and he makes every effort not to nag me - despite the fact that I'm a lazy slob and he's a super neat freak.

43) I hate artificial berry flavoring.

44) When I was a kid, my chore was to pick up dog poop in the backyard. Every time I had to do it, I'd gag my face off. My parents got tired of sitting on the couch and listening to me gag loudly, so one day they told me I didn't have to do it anymore. Victory.

45) In the car on the way home from work today, Tina yelled "He can lick my nut-hole"..She made up a brand new insult - just like that. I'm jealous that I didn't think of that one myself.

46) At work, I eat lunch everyday with the same 4 people. One of them is a pastor. After 2 years, I still feel guilty whenever I swear around him.

47) The worst part of my day is whenever I go through this one evil traffic light on my commute home.

48) I have 2 jobs. One is in an office and the other is as a server. I'm a terrible server and a shitty typist.

49) The guy who runs the hot dog cart at the Superstore in Langley kind of creeps me out. Once, I was shopping there and over the loudspeakers someone paged him.
"Miguel, please return to your hot dog cart, Miguel, please return to your hot dog cart."
I laughed so hard I cried. It's one of the top ten greatest moments of my life.

50) Every time I receive a compliment, I think that the person is making fun of me.

51) I have two moles on my face. I have to pluck them and I hate it.

52) I hate it when people have vague Facebook statuses...Ex: "Sally is so mad. So much drama! So high school!" In a perfect world her Facebook status would read "Sally is mad at Shelly and Sabrina because they think she slept with Timmy - which is true but whatever, they both have robot arms." or something like that. If you're pissed and going to blast it all over Facebook, I want details without having to ask you directly.

53) At this very moment, I can't stop thinking about the spring rolls at this Vietnamese place we always go to. They're fantastic.

54) I once yelled at an elderly IHOP regular for pointing out that I was getting "Really Chubby". I stood there and yelled at him for a solid 15 minutes. The highlight of my tirade was when I told him that "You mean nothing to me! Your opinion of the way I look doesn't matter to me or anyone, because you're just a stupid close minded old man who thinks that everyone wants your two cents!" The other server working had to look after my tables while I gave this old man the verbal thrashing of a lifetime.
Service with a smile.

55) I think I come across as more judgemental than I am. I really don't care what anyone does.

56) I want one of those giant flying dogs from The Neverending story.

57) I hate spending money on myself.

58) When I was a kid, I was very prone to nosebleeds. I used to get them everyday, until one day, they stopped.

59) I hate the following words: Yummy, Sumptuous, delectable, indubitably, funky, sexy, tutti-frutti, sensual and pleasure.

60) I'm totally awkward and have just started to come to terms with it.

61) I always cheat at mini-golf.

62) I've had mono once, when I was 20. It sucked, but I lost 15 lbs.

63) I don't understand all of this Twilight mania going on. I saw the movie. I didn't like it. I think Robert Pattison has the appeal of a mouldy, smelly dishrag.

64) If I'm at home, I'm in my pajamas.

65) I don't want to work tonight.

66) I can't drive in the snow.

67) I pick up on things really quickly.

68) How am I only at 68? This is a lot harder than I thought.

69) At work, I have the messiest cubicle.

70) I don't dislike very many people, but when I do, It's usually intense and irrational.

71) In High School, I used to have the hugest crush on Mr. Carr, my grade 10 Social Studies teacher. I think this was partly because he used to always have us write stories and then he'd read out the ones he thought were the funniest and mine was always among them.

72) I've noticed that people tune me out when I complain about my job.

73) I swear too much.

74) Every time I get drunk, I wake up the next morning feeling ashamed of myself. Even when I don't say or do anything to embarrass myself.

75) I find Jon Lovitz attractive.

76) If I ever won the lottery, I'd set my living room up like the set of the Merv Griffin Show.

77) Cool Ranch Doritos are evil.

78) So is Jennifer Love Hewitt.

79) I love Christmas, but I hate Christmas music. Especially Boy Band Christmas music. The only two Christmas songs I can tolerate are A) Feliz Navidad and B) Blue Christmas by Elvis.

80) I always put things off until the last minute.

81) Growing up, I was always some badass kid's good influence friend. Parents used to just adore me. I'd stick around for a few months until I was ditched for some other badass kid who either smoked, had sex or did both.

82) Needless to say, I was a late bloomer.

83) I listen to rap music because it's hilarious.

84) I brought soup for lunch today.

85) I HATE UFC. With a passion. I refuse to watch it or support it. I don't care what anyone says. It's spawned a whole generation of douchebags from Surrey who think they can train to be mixed martial artists. They push their pitbull pens off to the side and build rings in their backyards. Then they suck up our tax dollars and take up hospital beds because they break each other necks while doing pile drivers. Get a life and a real job, assjerk.

86) Wayne's World is the best movie ever.

87) I'm turning into my mother.

88) I chew on the ends of all my pens. I don't know why I do this. Some people think
it's out of sexual frustration, I think it's because I'm fat and hungry.

89) I learned about sex from playing Leisure Suit Larry.

90) I really want to go back to bed right now.

91) I've never been in a bitch fight and something tells me that I would have lost anyway.

92) The only reason I visit my dentist regularly is because my aunt works at my dentist's office and she guilts me into it.

93) I'm really good at pop culture trivia, in fact, it's my only talent.

94) I've had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane.

95) There's this guy who sits in the cafeteria at work who looks like a cross between Mr. Big from Sex and the City and Big Bird. We call him Mr. Big Bird.

96) Poetry is stupid. I'm sorry, I just don't get/like it.

97) I miss Beavis and Butthead.

98) I really am running out of things to write..

99) I think I forgot to put deodorant on this morning.

100) No wait - I did.

101) I 'm never doing that again.

I don't care what anyone says .......

2009-11-14T08:14:00.000-08:00

...this is cinematic genius.

I watched this clip like 4 times in a row this morning.
Even though this movie is 3 years old and people have long since forgotten about this epic line, I will always have a giant soft spot in my heart for this.
Even when I'm a giant PMS-induced ball of rage, this never fails to put a smile on my face.

Enough is enough!

Frankly, my dear Nick, it's four hours long.

2009-11-13T11:28:00.000-08:00

Gone with the Wind is one of my all time favourite movies and it just happens to be playing at Colossus tomorrow afternoon.
I was thisclose to getting Nick to take me, however, I had made a fatal error.

I told him how long it was.

Damn it.

I suppose I'll just have to watch it on DVD instead.

"Oh Mamma Mia Mamma Mia Let me go."

2009-11-12T13:37:00.000-08:00

Once, I got so drunk at a wedding that I took it upon myself to go up to the DJ, rip the microphone out of his hand, and sing along really loudly to "Bohemian Rhapsody".

In front of a packed reception hall.

I thought that this was a good idea.

Sometimes, I think about this moment and want to curl up into the fetal position and die.
It is, quite possibly, the most embarrassing thing I've ever done while under the influence.

And I couldn't imagine how mortified the bride was when this happened. I'm pretty sure that when she was a little girl, her plans of her big day didn't include some drunken train wreck doing her best Freddie Mercury impression in front of all her family and friends.

Or maybe it did....I don't know.

Anyways, In closing....
I do stupid things while drunk.

Just a thought...

2009-11-10T15:09:00.000-08:00

Robin Willams would be the world's most annoying room mate. The man has way yoo much energy for someone of his age.
Seriously, calm down.

Like a rolling stone.

2009-11-10T14:34:00.001-08:00

I need a new name for my blog.

You see, a couple of weeks ago, I paid my father rent. Instead of his usual pocketing of the cash and threats of spending the money on useless crap, he looked at me and said,

"You don't live here anymore. It's just storage for your stuff."

Ok, I realize that I'm never there - but that was a little harsh, don't you think?

So, now my blog title is a lie. According to my father, Christene doesn't live with her parents.